¸.·´¯`·.¸.·´¯`·. '+ -[[.. Don't . Give . Up ..] ]- +' ¸.·´¯`·.¸ .·´¯`·.¸

Monday, April 30, 2007

30th april~ hmm... juz finished my rj.. write a lot... cuz i like my ang mor fassy damn lots... haha.. she likes 2 ask me how is my wkends.. like her chim chim de powderful english.. sian.. working 2moro.. btw 2day after sch go see furnitures.. see 1 kinda nice.. but no study table.. sian.. muz but seperately.. oh ya.. asked willis bout whr he stay cuz he told me he stay in NE area.. then i asked him can take wat bus thr.. its 161.. hehe... lol..striking a conversation.. then he say next time can go back wif him.. cuz his alone oso.. gd lah... got company... summore he no 1 lamer.. ok... no offense... his younger... hmm... younger means?? btw... dunno his attached or nt.. nah... no way... livin in MY world.. haiz... sore throat.. sian... kinda thinking bout a lot of useless stuff... mayb i'll juz concentrate bout family 4 the time being... hehe... since im nt bad wat... lol... juz a bit fat,ugly,gal of few words..................... wa! so many.. hahaz.. ok lar.. im bad until hopeless lar... who noes? haiz.. headache.. later muz revise on wat he teach me le... if not burden 2 my team again... hehe... then mayb this wk gonna go watch movie... he treat.. watch lor... no 1 jio me go watch then can go with him... actually is 2moro de... cuz spidy 1st may out.. but going out wif xian... dunno lei... haiz... is it a rite choice? still kinda puzzled bout tis frenship... but nah.. nvm..everything let fate decides... keke... new hm.. happy... shld i get single or double de bed??? not tat kind of person who likes 2 roll here n thr de... dunno wanna save $ or nt... then spend more on my deco... ok lar... by then then say... tired... working early 2moro.. slp le...

- LifeGoesOn~

Sunday, April 29, 2007

ok... its proven... im sick..cough cough... sore throat n flu...haiz.. no wonder i felt that my heart is so weak... oh ya... promise myself i wun quarrel wif her... neither will i quarrel wif any1 anymore.. haha? cough cough..tired... juz came back from hm... 2moro still got sch... then after tat muz go see furniture.. come back le still muz revise on wat willis has taught me... cuz working on labour day then wed computing... haiz... packed... feel like spending more time with humans... than wif all tis stupid sch n work thing... btw... 2day go see furniture.. so ex.. looking 4 some reasonable price bedroom set... cuz its MY money... T_T but ok lar... dun mind... ZZZ.... nose block... oh ya..... dui bu qi.... wats in my blog may not b my true feeling 2... u noe wat i really mind... u noe de... haha? rather moody nowadays... see? cannot quarrel de... sick le... haha.. 2day after looking at furniture wif yi ma,uncle,annie auntie n wil... find out tat mum yi ma n annie auntie got good bonds... SISship... envy them... ahiyo! y i dun have sis... got 1 bloody lil bro... argh! pissed! 1 big bro n 1 small bro... irritated! no 1 biatch wif me lah... no wonder i so gu pi... moving new house le... then mayb annie auntie will come 2 my house often 2 dong... can biatch bout stupid stuff le... haha... oh ya.. told 10 im moving house 2... she wanted me 2 invited her 2 my house warming... soon ba... then next time i got my own room le... ppl can come my house dong le... i'll warmly welcomed them... haha... but dun li jia chu zou then come my house... my room is gonna b nice lar... purpur calor~ hmmm... big bro gonna go dentist soon.... gonna follow him go make appointment... then can do whitening... then can mi si ren liao... lol... jk? its not true... btw... i shall stop here.... sry... xian.. i shall nv put others into tis frenship... cuz its our frenship rite? put trust in me... wun make u regret... since when i betray u??? i shld b the 1 wrying ba... stupid gal... haha? no offend... i cant tahan... wait till i got more feelings 2 blog then i will... cuz im like blogging 4 the sake of blogging le... signz off..

- LifeGoesOn~

Saturday, April 28, 2007

haiz... it has been a tiring day 2day... xian's mum msg me 2day... asked if she leave my house at wat time.. ????? im clueless 2... she told her mum she staying at my house but she didnt... she used my name 2 lie 2 her parents..haha... y? shldnt i b the 1 angry... in the end she's the 1 who turned out 2 b angry n we quarrel.. whr does the fault lies wif?? i dun really noe... after tat all i did was cry... i dunno y... tired? hurt of being used? stressed? i dun even noe... then i fall aslp... when i woke up.. my eyes hurts... eyes already so small le then now even worst.. in the end have to wear specs... tis is oso bcuz i can dun make it so obvious 2 my family that my eyes swell... haha... im sick oso... no energy... flu... wat else can it get? sway.... btw..... thank u 10 auntie~ thank u 4 helping me create a veri nice blog n the cbox.... xie xie... next time muz teach me put music kaes? haha... 2 challenge u.. tired... quite sad 2day.... flaws being list out again n again.... i do sux.. after 2day's thing... im lost once again.. no aims in life.. nth... i think i have no interest in anything... i given up everything... i juz dun wish 2 have feelings.... it hurts a lot.... sadness overcomes happiness... y shld i have feelings? moving le.... after moving.... everything will fade n end... no more memories........ thr is so much things 2 wry.... i shall rest.... n 4get.... no longer will put feelings in anything.... unless the masked huiling appears.... the real huiling shall slp peacefully... lol? jking..... time will heal... im juz tired....

- LifeGoesOn~

Friday, April 27, 2007

haiz... now is 28th le... cuz it midnight le... feeling so down... hate quarrels! HATE it!!! all started bcuz of such a small thing... y cant ppl juz tok without anger? argh!!!! 2day is like bloody fuked up... already so tired wif sch life le still muz handle other things... im really veri tired trying... 2day's group presentation is like onli 3 person... i've already squeezed my brain juice dry... then tot could relax de... but meet up wif fren wasnt a gd idea... as when both are tired... we tend to pick on the slightest things.. haiz... quarrel le kanna shoot back on me mentally... sux lar... no link de lor... like tat oso can... haiz... sad lah... who wun? haiz... tried veri hard... maintaining frenship is hard... tiring!!!!!! haiz... i juz how tat fren look upon me as.... guessing all the time is making me lose hope... 2day she told me that she is wif her bf but that doesnt mean she likes him... it is like.... duh~ argh... 4get it... none of my concern! she is she i am huiling!! huiling who like 2 stay in her own world... haiz... so dun bring me out! haiz... mood totally spoiled.. need 2 take time 2 heal summore... fuk! haiz... personal atk from frens hurts ok... summore wat i do wrong sia... lame lar... haiz... i so bad mah? y still b my fren? dun understand u... wat's ur motive? 2 much until i wanna give up.... argh! suan le... tis is nt frenship anyway.... i dun have frens... so no need 2 mention frenship... poly de ppl r even worst.. humans r horrible... u r.... so muz i trust u? put trust in u u dun wan... fine le.... everything doesnt matter anymore.... i may juz give in the towel someday........................................... ptless.... so ptless.......

- LifeGoesOn~

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

ok... i juz came back hm... then have chats wif 10 n then xian.. 2day after sch i meet up wif xian 4 dinner.. went 2 tam to eat pizza hut n then take neo prints... kinda take a lot of pics... it was nice... but things pounder my heart... her smile seems sweet in those pictures... but as compared to her's n her bf.. the sweetness is undescribable... kinda upset bout tat... but when some sad things happens.. happy things will cheer me up~ n its 10.... kinda chat wif her recently... bout sch n such... n organizing of more meetings... moved me from thinking hard bout stupid stuff 2 a happier qns.. but.. things r nt meant 2 b forgotten... haha? when eating pizza hut all tis... it was tiring... but fun... but i kinda viewed her words too seriously... cuz... IM STILL THINKIN BOUT IT NOW.. haha... cuz she said that its more enjoyable going out wif me cuz his bf always eat hawker... haha? is it bcuz she can eat higher class things wif me she find it more enjoyable? a "no lah" came out n the conversation stop... haha? uncertainity strikes... but further questioning will juz pissed us off... so y nt let it b an enjoyable 1? dun feel gd lah... cuz she dun explain stuff... no choice... but stupidly... after coming back hm she comment on me n 10 n pris de pic... saying i look happy... definately i will shoot her pic wif ber 2 de mah... *the stupid guy*!! **** i do look happy wif them... its bcuz.. we have clearer vision of things... hapiness tends 2 comes from the inside... being happy is nt juz ppl trying 2 make us happy... its oso about who we r wif that could cheer our life up... rite? true frens laughs about their ugliness... some onli cared bout being pretty... which catogory do we belong? i'll show u the photo someday when xian sends it to me.... im happy... smiles is the same as usual...... but... is hers? its ok lah... i've tok 2 far... afterall... cant care so much bout tat!! muz start revision bout O's le.. thx zah 4 updating me... going out wif her real soon le... another kaki i could tok 2... haha... its always better 2 have more frens... but onli 1 true fren is required... will it remains or muz i change??? ............................ huiling~

- LifeGoesOn~

Monday, April 23, 2007

yesterday which was sunday.after visiting my aunt in the hospital,i on the com.. manage 2 chat wif 10..beg her so hard 4 tis few pictures lah... T_T its was fun chatting wif her... bout sch's n such... haha... finally... i got 2 noe her blog... it was cool... seems that her life is so colourful... filled wif so many things n nth bout guys... the unqiue fren that i eva had... lol... tis is the pic we 3 had taken in our outings.. go eat sushi.. haha... its veri seldom tat i can laught from the bottom of my heart... n i can ensure tat its onli wat they n my cousins could do 2 make me laugh truly.. ok.... my proj presentation is starting le!! blogging real soon!! see ya!

- LifeGoesOn~

its day 8 le~ monday 2day.. monday blues.. 2day 23rd le.. pms.. gosh.. sway.. but im so no mood.. 2 painful wor.. lol... mum gonna boil tonic 4 me after it finishess.. cuz i've been complaining bout the pain.. hahaz? quite reluctant to study 2day.. all i could think of is... WHEN can i go hm... hahaz? cant even have the mood 2 go down.. the during lunch called joni 2 help me buy sandwich... how kind of him.. ^_^ gosh.... im back hm now le... its 7.45pm.. juz finished my rj.. ow... all i could think of is... going out again... gosh.. tis time i'm dead 4 sure... im addicted... haiz... fallen back lo... couldnt concentrate much bcuz of it 2... but.. im gd... sure can cope.. hahaz.. ok... im gonna see my auntie le! she in hospital!! gosh... so poor thing lah... gtg... with love.. huiling.. quote for 2day... "a good fren is hard to find,hard to lose and is IMPOSSIBLE to forget".. hehe.. i may get a new phone... dad buy 4 me de... so gd of him... as long as he has the heart im gratified! love U mum n dad!

- LifeGoesOn~

Sunday, April 22, 2007

hmm... this r the pics that i n xian have taken at haggendaz? lol.. dunno how 2 spell.. as i was saying the past few days.. its my outting outting days tis wk.. its sunday 2day.. 22nd.. i've skipped my work.. cuz yesterday i've watch midnight wif xian the 200 pound beauty... its a veri nice show... touching.. so true bout how guys thinks of gals... wat 3 type of gal... 1 is treasure(beauty) another is present(normal) and the last is the ugly... lol... from 12 midnight watch until 2plus... hehe.. b4 that mum agree 2 let me stay at her house..cuz i'll have more time 2 slp it i onli take 1 bus trip 2 sch.. after tat i have 2hrs slp.. when wake up le felt giddy.. haha.. cuz fever... i did really have fever... but she tot i cook up story 2 tell wee...but haha... actually i wanted 2 go work de... but the pig juz wun wake up... real serious kind of situation 1.... -__-''' but gd lah... i did manage 2 call we n have mc... shld thanked her 4 tat lah.. i managed 2 have a better rest... thou im still kinda sick liddat.. when its 8am.. its her turn 2 wake up... cuz she working le... after tat she go ntuc to work n we walk seperate ways... reaching hm... mum called me 2 go new house 2 clean up the entire place... it was tiring... cuz i dun have much slp b4 tat... cuz i dun slp in north pole... (so cold lar!!) do a lot of cleaning.. have 2 move in by 8th of may... die... gonna have a hard time soon... cuz it's at punggol!! go woodland? slp lah... sian.. luckily when go new house n come back tat time take taxi.. it was a waste lah... lil bro lah... lazy... then onli i n him went hm.. cuz both of us r 2 tired... reached hm at 5pm++ then have so much 2 blog so blog lo...
perhaps it bcuz tis few days we have been going out 2gather.. i've found out tat i still haven kicked the routine of me going out wif her.. such things is like addiction.. bcuz routine of the past will always b the routine of everyday's life.. but even if we go shopping n such... i will b able to cope wif my studies.. haha.. im 2 CLEVER wif proj.. hmmm.. BUT! every dreams have to come 2 an end... cuz we dun even have the name of frens since our end of frenship.. n nth has been done 2 tis end of frenship... hmm.. she said that she would wanna meet up tis few days bcuz she's startin sch le.. then might nt have the chance 2 meet anymore... perhaps tis sentence "frens come n go" thing is true.. *trying real hard no 2 believe* guess thr's nth much i could do either..frens is no whr in her dictionary.. onli sch,studies n work... perhaps meeting bf then frens.. then i'll b useful.. 2 shop n have fun doing gals things... but its worthwhile tis few days... in going out n eat or shop.. thou i nv understand how she tinks of frenship shld go.. i muz compliment myself n her... lol... do u noe its hard 2 go out everyday when u're real tired? haha... we do.. complaining bout how tired we r was fun.. but... dreams have ended ba... i woke up... haiz? i shld strive for new dreams.. new frenship le ba.. hmm.. lol... since ppl make it so clear... haha... huiling ah huiling... u're juz making urself suffer again 4 thinking the impossible...
ohya... as we noe... gal's without gal's chat is impossible... haha? she kinda told me a lot obut her love relation.. keeping my comments 4 the blog.. bcuz she wun wanna noe how i feel bout tat.. haha? can felt her pain... thou she tell me that she's ok wif it cuz she have dozens of ppl waiting 4 her.. but... i felt:" r u covering ur pain? not willing 2 share wif ur frens?" felt that bernard is the 1 who shld b suffering! but y is it her n my cousin? haiz... y do gals always lose out... y muz guys b the 1 judging n choosing gals? its unfair 2 them... its unfair tat my frenship ended bcuz of him!!!! HATES!!! haiz.. i hated liars... im afraid she would lie once again... i fear... i've already put my trust in her le... if its another plan of her again... im gonna fall real hard again le... i hope believing once again in her is nt a wrong choice... she juz isnt that kind of may juz using frens 2 step onto something higher...guardian angel.. pls protect me from getting hurt again... i juz wish 2 give every1 a chance... i onli hope than wat she do is all bcuz she treasure our frenship... haiz... i really feel like knowing wat she thinks.... i dun like asumming.. its so hard... tiring....wat is my frenship in her? sum1 2 use or wat? haiz.. saying nth is like silent confession u noe? haiz.. its the same 2 think wat i think... lol? haha.. ok... 2 much 2 say... getting emo... tired le... i shld end here... better 2moro!! zzz... sch sux!

- LifeGoesOn~

Thursday, April 19, 2007

hmm... its day 5... hmm... i was unable to blog yesterday cuz i was 2 tired.. haha? now it's 12.41pm..20th april... gonna make my payment later.. 2day is kinda tired oso.. cuz i've not been able to rest well 4 the past few days... but i muz say that i would prefer to hang out than to stay at hm n lead a simple n boring life... tis few days was tiring... cuz i woke up early in the morning for sch until 4 n had to meet elena? lol? mayb xian would b a better name 4 me 2 call.. the waiting duration was long.. cuz i've always ended my sch earlier than the time she wanted 2 meet n will always b late... but dunno y... im nt angry... perhaps.... y would i b angry if its my habit in the past of doing so? this few days de outting kinda reminds me bout both of us de past... meeting up frequently juz to eat n chat... or mayb even juz eating.. it may seems super duper bored... but its juz tat kind of frenship de connection tat brings us 2gather even if it boing stuff ba.. but it's a thing frens shld do 2 frens... cuz tis routine fade frenship even faster than u could imagine... i've got a huge experience... haha.. i did appreciate her effort of meeting me up... i did! ^___^ if nt i wun make the effort 2 meet her le... but from all tis... i felt that its hard... real HARD 4 me 2 get used 2 another best fren? bcuz they r nt as simple as i think... perhaps in poly life its all bout having either best fren or boyfriend... cuz tat may b the duration that we need FULL support.. i say this bcuz im now totally loss in nowhr... without supports n everything... tat kind of emptiness... thou i have frens in rp lah... its not difficult to find a bf lah... its really not... but... can i have a boyfren juz bcuz that i wanna treat him as a fren????? no way rite? shld say dun have tat kind of intimacy or urge to have... cuz having 1 makes ur life complicated.. so... i juz prefer leading my simple life... oh ya... thr's a lot things i wish to share... now im stuck in the poly wif no true frens... bcuz... im nt the onli 1 wearing masks.. they all r... or perhaps im tired of exploring wat they really r... i've tried b4... its tiring..gd... ba... im being solo now... any1 b my soli? haha...tis feel days xian share wif me bout a lot of things.. bout frens in poly bf n all... it will b easier 4 her 2 find frens... cuz she's the sociable 1... if me being the sociable 1... im nt myself... hahaz... but i'v kinda feel tat she wanted more from her bf... but she cant... mayb its juz her loneliness tat she find me tis fren 2 accompany her... haha... dun mind.. cuz no 1 understands me...y shld she let any1 understand her? it would b unfair... so im already starting 2 accept those dun ask so much n its how i think things... but its kinda tiring... always from 6wake up study until 4pm.. meet her n spend time until reaching 10 or later... hahaz.. im nt complaining.. juz 2 compliment myself.. haha... giving myself encouragemnt 2 push myself forward ba... hmm... have tat kind of feelings tat we will nt even see ea other after her sch starts.... so.... 2 bad 4 myself lah... im the abandoned kid left out by god... ok lah... i gonna stp complaining n hope 4 her best n my best as well ba... huiling jia you! push as far whr ur limitation can go 4 tis frenship ba.... wun b able to have the chance soon................

- LifeGoesOn~

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

it's day 3 n i've missed day 2... gosh... im 2 tired 4 day 2 n i've reached hm later bcuz i went to work... haha? sort of lar.. it'sday 3 in rp... everything went smoothly... ah!!!! in rj my fassy commented tat im harsh wif my words.... oops? haha... perhaps its wat i've always likes doing... shutting off comments.. hahaz!! fun... its cool tat she found it out 2 as i list tat as my weakness... i like tis kind of game like thing... scoring 4 the best like tat.. but so far i've onli get 2 B's but no A's at all... sad... yesterday n 2day is like so tiring... but i shld always update my blog.. 2day i went 2 queensway n after tat tam wif elena? keeping things cool n not getting myself irritated with bits n pieces... n it was a success that i didnt pissed ppl off when im real tired... guess im slping soon... lei ar!! brought myself a water bottle... hope i wun lose it again... i guess... haha... and i have to make payment 4 my retake!! RMB! its kinda hard rmbing.. cuz i got memory loss... actually 2day's shopping im dead tired... but perhaps i've covered it well... she seems happy... gd thing.. i've been the perfect me... or is it juz me? oh god... i dunno what im writing... cant stand it le... slp...

hoping 4 the best
this is how far i can go.............

- LifeGoesOn~

Monday, April 16, 2007

haiz.. oh ya.. i've break my promise.. i choose 2 go out wif fren.. haha... guess i cant help it.. frens is juz 2 impt 2 me.. god.. im such a failure.. cant even keep a promise 2 myself.. i sux... i noe.. haha? day 1 of sch n day 1 of the wk actually.. but.. i would wan 2 meet my fren is bcuz i noe we cant meet next time anymore.. haha... she's 2 bz by then..organising her sch, spinelli n ntuc work huh.. got bf thing oso cant cope le...cope wif me? haha..frenship is burden.. so i better nt bother her any longer.. felt so sway!! during orientation stick wif 4 guys... 2day? stick wif 2 guys! stupid lah.. so sway meh? 2 girls in my group absent? but fun.. aizat n joni r veri gentlemen.. ^__^ it was tiring 2day.. real tiring.. everyday carry so heavy de bag.. strain on the shoulder.. after tat cannot tahan go buy laptop casing.. zzz... waste my $... broke soon.. my house coming n muz pay 4 furniture.. help!! even retake o's oso muz pay myself.. haiz.. my mum juz like 2 scam me.. haha.. shld b every1 likes 2 scam me.. luckily im ok wif it.. everyday muz do projects... its kinda like pissing me off... dun like 2 tok oso muz tok tok tok.. come back still muz do reflection journal n proj de thing... stupid... i felt tat im losing more n more of my time.. travelling from bedok 2 woodland will take up 1hr plus.. total 2hr per day wasted... its so tiring... emotionally n physically.. tired.. frens is easy 2 make... but.. dun seems have the mood 2 make 1... do i fear frenship tat much? yes i do... 1 is enough le ba... i will make another 1 if the 1 i have now ends... now im working so solo... no longer enthu... dunno y... solo until i cant even noe its me or nt... tis no life moments... im starting 2 lose myself.. the real me... but... thr's nth i can do... i wanted life... but... how? find who 2 have better life sia? so lazy 2 make frens.. but haha... christina is interesting... wif all the COOL words wif they way she speaks.. im so english now... who can speak chinese 2 me huh? haiz... i do really wish tat life would b like in the past... fun in the past n everything... but i dun seems 2 picked myself up.. sad.. argh... my back aching now.. dun feel really gd bout 2day... the rest of my life will b like nightmare... trying hard 2 cope... see as time goes ba.. in frenship.studies,work and my life... wisk myself luck....TIRED!!

- LifeGoesOn~

Sunday, April 15, 2007

i wished tat my fren will write her blog... perhaps its juz 2 informed me how's they r doing... esp the 1 i wry most... i will oso update my blog everytime... its oso 2 tell myself n others how i've been doing... haiz haiz... 2moro start sch le... no life anymore... wished 2 have more time wif my fren... really wished 2... but im stopping it... i dun understand it myself either... mayb i wan my fren 2 feel tat how imp will tis frenship b... if its nt imp i will allow her 2 end it...cuz we wun have time 2 b like the past anymore... oh yah... *smiles* got zeng yuan 2 accompany me 4 either breakfast or lunch 2moro... cuz i cant do without any frens... juz hated tat feeling... muz faster make new frens le... if not the 1 who suffer will b me... but.. fuk sia... my group all guys... sian... 2moro muz wake up early le...every1 dun have the time.. esp ...... sian... life like stuck once again... haiz... if life could b wat i've imagined.... oh yah.... mayb i'll b joining volleyball 4 EA.. 2 build up my fig... tired of those niang de cca... esp BAND... haha... thou my pri sch de fren call me join lah... he so into band de lah... nah... i have enough of mr wong.... dun wan 2 walk into the wrong path again.. but who noes? mayb my fren join i stupidly join again? haha... its like... wats all the fun without frens? rite? hmm... i kinda wanna go back on my words again... cuz i feel bad 4 my fren.. but! 1 wk means 1 wk... see i can do wat within tis 1wk bah.. haiz.. cheers?

- LifeGoesOn~

Saturday, April 14, 2007

im so so so so so so so veri tired.. so tired bottling up my feelings!!! shld i smoke? argh... im pissed!! pissed by myself! fuk... dammit... i hate quarrels! haiz... y shld u always list out all my bads? juz y?? when have i been the gd 1's in ur view? y is it nv???????? pissed! juz so pissed by myself... i've tried so hard 2 b better.. juz so hard... but i cant get thru sensitivity n selfishness in u? or is it tat me thinking bout im always the loser,the sucker in frenship is wrong... in fact ur the 1 who is being the loser or sucker? i noe im nt that great... r u greater? so can u juz stop saying? stop... haiz... it hurts... am i acting emo? ACTING? i really dun understand y frens can use such words... it tat can make my fren feel better.. i dun mind... but i PISSED her off... juz wat am i supposed 2 do? die 2 clear my sins? i find no meaning in such frenship... really no meaning... its my limit 2... i cant give in le... im exhausted... haiz... fall back le then wanna give up again... hao lei... giving up last time is already so difficult... n now? i got 2 experience it all over again... haiz... guess its time... i'll stop tis kind of life le... since we seldom have the chance 2 meet up 2 let her regain.. i'll create no chance ba... then she can concentrate on other stuff le... she actually asked me out on wed... mayb its the time when she's totally free... from bf n everything then she find me... im tired of always thinking it tis way... real tired... onli when tat day she wanna make use then use tat date 2 call frens out when others cant... i will nt give in 2 my heart anymore.. give up le... wun msg... wun agree 2 go out wif her n everything... i'll do it! pls... make me do so... i dun wish 2 lose in 2 my heart n hear its cries anymore... juz STOP everything... perhaps... im juz every1's worst fren... need some shoulders... i really dunno wat frens shld b... i cant diffentiate... r u my true fren?? dun bluff or hide from me anymore.. i can barely see myself... i onli wanted frens 2 find the real me.. but the real me sux! i hated myself... hated myself 2 make ppl suffer... 2 make myself live in misery... haiz... im acting emo... gaining pity... forget it.. no 1 bothers how i feel... nv will... will any1 notice my existence? no.... left out by the society,famliy n fren...

- LifeGoesOn~

Friday, April 13, 2007

haiz... now is 2.50am 14th april... intended 2 have a gd nite slp... but guess nt now... may called me juz now.. she chit chat wif me bout y ppl dislike me n dun feel like toking 2 me is bcuz they dun like my cousin... is tis a topic any frens shld start? haiz... n she told me tat she cant say who is tat person n tell me she's onli telling me... as a fren... will u do tis 2 them? n quarrel starts... i hate it when quarrel starts... bcuz she'll list out all the bads in me... she's pissed off n end the conversation... n im TOTALLY bothered by it... if chit chatting... the person onli wanted 2 tell u n wanted u 2 zip... can u sallow tat fustration? wif words like ''im onli telling u.. i dun wan 2 noe anything bout how u feel or wat u wan 2 say... u're pissing me off?'' i noe i've always acted perfect in front of every1... so tat ppl dun hate me... if u tell me infact they do... i cant do anything... can i? i juz dun wish 2 show any feelings 2 ppl who i dun bother... or perhaps i dun even noe my true self? haiz... wat is the true fren like? will they do tis 2 u? or she's juz not my fren... trying 2 use me? i dun understand... it may b true tat i always say i dunno... but... y do she wanna judge it as ''i dunno'' is my motive n used it back against me? is wanting a true fren juz so difficult? its nt i dun wanna share my probs.. sorrows wif any1... im nt given a chance 2 voice.. haiz.. y muz things always b like tat? i dun like crying.. but it wun stop.. i feel as if every1 is so fake... if every1 is treating me gd juz bcuz they wanna use me... r u 1 2? i hate quarrels... i hate myself... y am i always tat bad in ppl's view? in ur view? i dun intend 2 pissed u off... but ur fren shld b? im tired... im really tired guessing... im trying my best 2 push as far as i can 2 b perfect fren.. until we quit.. i juz seems so small in everything... nth im gd at... worst fren... everything! if so... y regain tis frenship?? felt so useless............

- LifeGoesOn~

oww... im so obsessed wif the book i brought... its so true... bout family.. frenship n everything! haha... who says frenz dun rely on frenz 4 support 2? haha... its like a book 2 help me thru loh... wow... mayb i shld get her 2 read it after im done wif it... but... nah... nvm.. she's 2 bz wif everything bah... nowadays im keeping myself occupied... reading... 2moro which is saturday will b working le... sianz... actually going 2 cousin house 2 see her 1mth old baby n eat buffet thr de... but argh!! work! cant even attend the afternoon nor night buffet... pissed... oh ya... li xuan's baby is going 2 reach 1 mth 2... thinking wat 2 get 4 her baby as a big sis.. perhaps being a mother at early age isnt a bad thing either... at least forming a family wif her love one's... wun get 2 feel wat's loneliness... btw.. sch's gonna start tis mon le... cant play much le... every1 will b so bz preparing 4 sch.. mayb as we change 2 new environment... we r forced 2 get our frenz changed... its the matter of time tat we muz change frens ba... then.. memories will stick to the old's.. but if possible 2 have all.. y nt? gosh.. wat am i saying? but its time tat will fade everything off ba... even if i were 2 have lots of time... im wasting it every single min cuz the others might b veri much occupied... muz start going solo... cuz every sch de module can onli stay wif frens for a few mths... so i much start learning 2 b sociable... but! y sia... the frens i noe so far is all guys? gals come n approach me 2 b frens man... im so gd.... *puking* haha.. but im sure i'll make long term frens... tat's wat i always do... either long term or juz those hi n bye frens... im pretty relistic n high in demand 4 frenship... mayb its juz like wat the book says... support from home or sch... family cant then frens will... oh ya... recently stuck in rp then those i can approach will onli b my cousin or zeng yuan... hehe.. everything dunno can ask them.. then can start slacking liao! yay... but haha.. it seems tat im helping zeng yuan than his helping me... but keke.. got company 2 is better than none.. thou i feel uncomfortable wif guys... but tat's the fact.. mayb its due 2 i've nv been in a reationship ba... then im a listener than speaker... then cold cold de... eek.. thinking of it freaks me out... i like those noisy ppl... make me feel warmer.. or more like a family tat kind of feelings... then got topic chat until like market would b so fun.. dang... stuck in my own world again.. kinda not feeling gd 2day... cuz i've waste another day by nt spending it meaningfully.. hated tis kind of feeling.. loneliness... but gd thing.. im finally used 2 being alone... its hard 2 come by noe? but it don feel gd lah.. who will? hahaz... then sunday mayb going 2 my new house do some painting.. it's gonna b rdy soon... then mayb i could visit tat pet shop... see the puppy... ah.... i juz feel like having it so much... hmm... but toking bout sch... kinda mad bout the timetable... start at 8.30am... end at? NV write??? then onli can plan my work schedul sat n sun... but gonna have slams cuz it wkend... haiz... n mayb working wif those diff outlet de ppl.. but fine wif me... juz dun let me b stuck wif all male working environment... time is getting lesser n lesser wif work n sch... traveling will oso take up much of the time... kinda upset by not having SUFFICIENT time... n my fren having NO time.. lol? let fate decide ba... oh mayb i shld juz stay in my own world 4eva... oh ya... im always in my own world... nobody did enter my life... they juz changed my life... hahaz... its kinda late now... being mummy's gal 2moro.. go market wif her n aunt.. hmm... felt a bit empty... but nvm! slp slp...

- LifeGoesOn~

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

haha.. oh gosh... im so tired now... from morning 5 plus wake up until now n its 2am now!! hehe.. now is 12th april le.. let me mention the whole chunk of orientation stuffz... but tired sia... everyday 3kg stuff thru n fro from the east to west n west back to the east.. from morning to night liddat.. man.... thinking of it freaks me out.. haha.. slpt at 2am last night bcuz i was msging n msging.. kinda of tired now.. but felt like sharing.. hehe.. since im happy mah... in the moring while taking 168 i was like half dead.. half aslp.. moving n nodding my head keeping it still as hard as possible getting 2 slp.. lol.. then.... i was late... a gal approached me 2 ask 4 direction.. mayb i looked young... kekez.. so she thinks i may b rp students ba... it was fun chatting 2 her... no racism.. hahaz... luckily my english now is fluent... bcuz of work bah.. then my frens seldom speaks chinese 2 me... unless we r bad mouthing bout others.. lol? i noe its nth proud 2 say... hahaz.. my class was W14B.. but stupidly... i've entered class W14C.. hahaz... kinda felt tat its so ma lu lar!!! but kinda used some vulgarity.. oops.. muz have scare the lecturers.. but luckily i didnt stay for long... get to my class when im suppose 2 b n its... FULL HOUSE n 1 seats left? duh? then now im stuck wif 4 guys in my group presentation.. FORCED by them 2 b the secretary.. stupid script writer... zzz.. juzed bcuz they say secretary is meant 4 galz... DANG~ bully... but they r kind n fun 2 b wif... helpful... hahaz... after tat is my first break.. actually went 2 have a sit alone.. cuz NO frens.. but heng heng met esther on the way.. then she invited me 2 have breakfast wif zeng yuan as well.. yay! frens!!! life's nt tat difficult isnt it??? *praying hard* but im nt able 2 have my second break... stuck wif my proj... but i was nt left alone... my group frens were thr.. onli 2 left.. got 2.. then christi was like msn msn... add me add me... it was FUN... n vendom hmm... dunno how 2 spell was like... he noe how 2 track whr u stay????? wth? n some was trying 2 block firewalls 4 dota... kinda sian... luckily i have some chats wif elena... haha.. oh gosh... its so stupid 2 call u elena.. but if u insist... ELENA? n so heng i have a out-going facilitator? frens which cant keep silence 4 a min.. gosh... but thr's some foreigners... philly's.. chi na"s india n indo... man.. cool? but i'll nv understand chi na's english.. as a matter of fact... their english kinda pissed me off... lol? sry... my bad... then after lesson went hm.. actually wif zeng yuan... but i tua him... tell him i gonna meet fren.. then i went to the airport... finding my chance 2 meet up wif my fren 4 now... cuz i will have a hard time meeting her in future... n it may juz end like tis... sad... but i dun really noe wat she wans 2... mayb they said frens come n go is true loh... but i'll leave footsteps in ur heart.. haha... watching extreamly makeover now... 2.35am??? lol... tired... oh ya!!! i've brought myself a book... THE BIG FAT BITCH BOOK for gals n grown-ups... cost $26.95... but wif changi voucher.. yay~ hehe... $5+ onli.. i brought the book bcuz it mention so true in the frenship content... LOVE IT!! after tat went 2 t1 to spend my spins buck.. have sushi n went back hm wif elena... hahaz... i cant stop laughing wif tat word elena... then msg her 2 apologise on some things... n wat she replied on recovering the frenship was like... firmed.... i juz wonder y.........................

- LifeGoesOn~

Monday, April 9, 2007

damn! argh!! stupid me... ah!!!! y do i so stupidly missed the date of my o's retake payment??? now i may cant even retake lar! waste 1 yr? fuk.... now i dun even got any idea wat am i supposed 2 do lar!!! haiz... pls.. god muz give me chance... if not im doom... zzz... everything is so packed... cant even breathe!!! haiz... haven even do my night class de registeration n sch's starting! god dammit... stupid spinelli... fuk.. argh... pissed off by myself... y cant i juz rmb things which is so impt???? y muz i always wans ppl 2 inform me? ah!!!! if i cant retake im gonna kill myself... haiz... i cant cope wif life.... im really struggling... wif everything! struggling at work.. struggling wif frenship.. juz 2 give in everytime... wif moving house... wif sch's thing!!! it's everything!!!!!!!!!!! haiz... PISSED! gimme a break... i need some kit kats.... juz hope tat everything's nt 2 late.... i juz hope so... dun send me into darkness once again...

- LifeGoesOn~

Saturday, April 7, 2007

another day has past... its now 8th of april sunday le... oww... so tired.. esp when it comes 2 work on wkends.. but nvm.. it was kinda fun wif all the slams... so long nv do espresso station le... =( later morning or afternoon mayb call bro go wif me 4 a swim... hehe... tat's a gd way 2 release stress... by exercising... tat's wat my bro teaches me... haha... mayb he knows tat im kinda depressed over lots of things everytime ba... like 2 stare blank in front of my family... haha... it perhaps scare them ba..but yup... im alrite... wat could b worst still? the worst has already ended n i've kan kai le....hmm... pm by may in msn...n read her blog... wat's she trying 2 do now... regaining tis frenship is totally wrong... not trying 2 have no feeling bout tat.. but.. haha... the me in the past is like... mention until the worst fren of hers... sobz.. summore is his bf tell my cousin de... dun really have tat courage 2 pick tat up... i've changed... better? but... huiling seems 2 b dead le... a new huiling is 4 the replacement... tat kind of feeling... even if its not dead... giving in is wat i can do best now... but no matter wat.. she'll always get tired of wat they have... used 2 wat shld n wat muz b thr.. but... haha... 4 reaching 5yrs is so difficult n so unacceptable 4 u le... will u b my fren 4 the next 5 to 10 yrs? nv believe in BFF(best fren 4eva) so fake... ppl tend 2 get tired... the 1 who give or the 1 who take... those who give in felt tired when its nt being repaid... those who takes felt even tired when wat they asked 4 hasnt been fulfilled.. thus... quarrel starts.. but all... it doesnt really matter 2 me... bcuz frenship is oso bout giving n taking... but haha... i've grown so big... nt even my family give in 2 me... hahaz.. does frenship do so? tat's y im so matured.. keke.. i've always put frenship first... really wished 2 have a fren who does put frenship in their heart.. not onli when needed then take tat kind... many who i've known put frenship as the first few places... tis is y i do treasure their frenship... but... do i have the courage 2 take it up once again? in her blog... felt as thou its seeking 4 apology n seeking 2 regain frenship.. but... even she felt tat she have done so much wrong... shld i still fall back into tis frenship? if face is all she wanted n i shld always assume her sry... will i b 2 tired by then? i do feel tat i shld find a frenship whrby my voice could b voiced out.. sadness could b halfed when shared.. giving n taking 2 b every fren resposibility rather than onli always doing the giving.. joyed 2 b doubled wif frens tat kind... then its the real me.... nt the "perfect fren" tat i've given 2 u will think of... i may nt even recognised which is the real me.. or when will i give in till? giving happiness away everytime... but sadness stays... the REAL me is juz so selfish in frenship isnt it? can onli felt myself giving n nt felt any TAKING.. realising my own wkness after u tell me everything from bernard mouth to bee then 2 me... i didnt even dare 2 say wat's frenship.. haha? 5yrs of frenship... im juz a lousy fren.. a burden in frenship.... its correct tat my fren shld betray me... i dun blame... im juz gonna b the perfect fren... if im such a lousy fren... y regain it? now im a better fren. or mayb less worst than the past.. but... ever since then.... i fear frenship... fear frens of being betrayed,hide n bluff again... the worst... i FEAR the feelings of LOSING frenship... when the other fren felt NTH... its the worst part 2 go thru when u have always put frenship first... haiz... i wished 2 use the new me 2 lead life... as the past 1 has died.. i do wish 2 regain tis frenship.. but its nt 4 me 2 decide... its 4 her 2 think carefully b4 acting harsh... im oso struggling 2 help myself out... b4 i step into others life in frenship.. but... shld i? will i regain when i m exhausted coping wif life? putting trust once again into some1 who wun bother or care the slightest bout frenship bcuz its nt in her first as love,family,wealth n studies n herself comes b4 it? argh... sry... juz wat am i thinking n writing? oh god dammit... i've pissed myself off... sry 4 pissing urs...

- LifeGoesOn~

Thursday, April 5, 2007

can u imagine im painting tis type of purple in my room?? haha... guess nt... i kinda feel tat purple has its mood of depressed n mystery... summore the show room i went was like so nice wif wild purple... btw... its 1.42am le... yea... painting my own room soonz... intended 2 do it on sunday wif fren.. but dun wanna have memories wif fren who is sort of nt gonna b my fren le... can say going seperate ways when go poly..so i didnt.. haha.. guess no 1 will noe wat i wanna say... cuz i cut short everything... going 2 buy my own furniture... broke le lar... haiz... poly starting le... orientation coming... but b4 orientation going out wif 10 n pris... haha... hey... im nt being 4gotten as a fren... ^__^ going 2 eat buffet n shopping ba... as wat they had told me... then im being booked by them on 10th april... then 11th to 13th got orientation... after tat 16th start sch le... argh?!?! so fast ar? nt prepared.. how sia? cum work... zzz... whole wk busy again... moving house b4 may.. oh gosh... few wks left.. when poly starts gonna have hard time finding frenz... at night class got zah... keke... thou she's a malay... we had a lot of things in common... haha.. gd n bad times 2gather... un4gettable... juz like me n may's frenship of 4 reaching 5yrs de frenship.. while mine n hers is 3yrs... every1 who is my fren has been my frens 4 yrs... but which are true frens n which r nt? no idea... but every1 have carved a remarkable name in my heart... all my sec sch de fren.. nv 4get them... esp the 1 who is nt my fren now... nvm... hahaz.. dun tok bout tat... but dunno y... after getting older n older... no longer as enthu as the past in making frens... till now i like no interest wif new frenz... nvm... haha... alway go find wilson then scam him... then no need make new frens liao.. so tired having frens... so difficult to trust frens now.. everything so difficult in frenship le... sobz.... haiz haiz... lazy charged laptop... slping le... another day filled wif complexity n ssendas... haha? wats tat? figure...

- LifeGoesOn~

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

hmm.. 2day is 5/4/07 3am le~ kinda go hm rather late nowadays... took taxi hm juz now from tam... b4 tat sort of have a long chat wif may.. wonder if we get wat we both r trying 2 say... cuz i din really noe wat had actually happen all the past few mths.. but can see tat im not the onli 1 who is struggling 2 cope wif life... hahaz? but its actually better 2 b crying bcuz u cant cope wif life than give up le cant even feel the feelings of sadness or wat... i guess? but dunno y... wheneva got unsolved problem... tok le oso cant resolved problem de loh...zzz... its so troublesome... but dun wanna care le... cuz mayb some things is nt 4 me 2 decide n time will solve all prob bah... dun wish 2 interfere le... studying soon le... sch's starting n i wun b free anymore.. so i can onli commit wkend le... so trying 2 regain frenship will b hard 4 me... but i really had no idea 2 regain tis frenship or nt... mayb i'll let her decide ba... or perhaps... time will or wun allow... mayb i shld use zah's words... if god permits... sch's starting le... new frens? new environment? swt... i kinda hate making new frens... but will try.. haha... summore so many chi na ppl... owww.... hate new environment... zzz... muz wry tat break dunno got any company or nt le... haha? lol... im so selfish in my thinking... haha... but tat's me when comes 2 frneship... bo bian... i juz dun get it y sia... onli frenship im 100% sensitive n selfish.. but luckily... im changing... haha... mayb new frens r better oso loh... cuz wun b tat selfish n sensitive when dunno new frens well... haha? dunno wat im toking... but one thing i had 2 say... giving in 2 others may sometimes b a burden 2 them... being true 2 them may b gd 2.. if bluffing have reasons i will accept.. if frens needed fren 2 listen i will.. if being thr is onli wat frens need.. i'll b...its hard 2 say when asked... onli can ans behide everything... if frens look 4 frens onli when thr's trouble or have motive... haha... i can b thr ba... tis is all how i shld treat frenship in future... hahaz... BUT... if i didnt regain tis frenship until then... it will b erased... everything... wun do anything 2 it... but juz let flow as it goes... hehe... tired... reaching 4 am le... 2moro working at 2pm again... zzzz... slping le.... signing off... hUiLiNg..

- LifeGoesOn~

Monday, April 2, 2007

if things comes 2 frenship 4 me... i'll nv b gd.. summore my frenship has alway go hae wired.. i kinda read may's blog.. but i am truly complexed... on whether i shld go back 2 tis friendship again.. argh... its hard 2 tell if i cant say the situation of y it ended.. sort of 2 much hidings n bluffing tat lead 2 it? zzz.. its hard 2 describe.. n after tat... shld i move on or 4give n cont tis frenship? juz wat shld i do? im kinda torturing myself... argh... n now im afraid 2 blog it out... felt like sharing it... but who? haiz... but i juz felt like saying... its indeed selfishness tat u wan 2 keep everything back 2 the usual,ending it onli when ur rdy... hahaz... but im selfish oso... i kinda end tis frenship partly bcuz dun felt like sharing fren... shld i juz give up? or wait as she says? wat do ur selfishness mean n everything? zzz... y is thr such ppl on earth which will nv ans ur qns de? ka na sai... si bei jia lat.. haiz... ever since i go against my words of nt frending her anymore.. the pain starts coming... the feeling of insercurity in frenship... worrying of betrayer once more... juz wat am i supposed 2 do? who can i confide in? haiz.... y muz i walk back 2 the same path when i've already walk so far out of tis frenship... juz wat am i doing?? god blast me! im an idiot...

- LifeGoesOn~

Sunday, April 1, 2007

hmm... putting songs tat i've brought juz now into my lappy.. btw... 2day's 2nd le... 1am++... haiz... so emo 2day... went out wif sum1... tat perhaps i shldnt b going out wif... felt so complexed... juz wish 2 apologize 2 tat particular person... felt sry... haiz... i've always cant control my emotion... say tat i'll b alrite wif it but showing all on my face tat i dun like? feel like strangling myself alive...
4 frenship... i'll end it wheneva my fren is rdy.. tat's the best i could do... haiz... dun really feel like writting le... cont 2moro! sign offz!

- LifeGoesOn~