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` NAME: Huiling
` D.O.B: 12/01/89
` Age: 20
` School: Republic Poly
` Course: Diploma In Material Science
` part-time/full-time: Student cum Barista
` characteristic: Emo-ism

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Saturday, April 7, 2007

another day has past... its now 8th of april sunday le... oww... so tired.. esp when it comes 2 work on wkends.. but nvm.. it was kinda fun wif all the slams... so long nv do espresso station le... =( later morning or afternoon mayb call bro go wif me 4 a swim... hehe... tat's a gd way 2 release stress... by exercising... tat's wat my bro teaches me... haha... mayb he knows tat im kinda depressed over lots of things everytime ba... like 2 stare blank in front of my family... haha... it perhaps scare them ba..but yup... im alrite... wat could b worst still? the worst has already ended n i've kan kai le....hmm... pm by may in msn...n read her blog... wat's she trying 2 do now... regaining tis frenship is totally wrong... not trying 2 have no feeling bout tat.. but.. haha... the me in the past is like... mention until the worst fren of hers... sobz.. summore is his bf tell my cousin de... dun really have tat courage 2 pick tat up... i've changed... better? but... huiling seems 2 b dead le... a new huiling is 4 the replacement... tat kind of feeling... even if its not dead... giving in is wat i can do best now... but no matter wat.. she'll always get tired of wat they have... used 2 wat shld n wat muz b thr.. but... haha... 4 reaching 5yrs is so difficult n so unacceptable 4 u le... will u b my fren 4 the next 5 to 10 yrs? nv believe in BFF(best fren 4eva) so fake... ppl tend 2 get tired... the 1 who give or the 1 who take... those who give in felt tired when its nt being repaid... those who takes felt even tired when wat they asked 4 hasnt been fulfilled.. thus... quarrel starts.. but all... it doesnt really matter 2 me... bcuz frenship is oso bout giving n taking... but haha... i've grown so big... nt even my family give in 2 me... hahaz.. does frenship do so? tat's y im so matured.. keke.. i've always put frenship first... really wished 2 have a fren who does put frenship in their heart.. not onli when needed then take tat kind... many who i've known put frenship as the first few places... tis is y i do treasure their frenship... but... do i have the courage 2 take it up once again? in her blog... felt as thou its seeking 4 apology n seeking 2 regain frenship.. but... even she felt tat she have done so much wrong... shld i still fall back into tis frenship? if face is all she wanted n i shld always assume her sry... will i b 2 tired by then? i do feel tat i shld find a frenship whrby my voice could b voiced out.. sadness could b halfed when shared.. giving n taking 2 b every fren resposibility rather than onli always doing the giving.. joyed 2 b doubled wif frens tat kind... then its the real me.... nt the "perfect fren" tat i've given 2 u will think of... i may nt even recognised which is the real me.. or when will i give in till? giving happiness away everytime... but sadness stays... the REAL me is juz so selfish in frenship isnt it? can onli felt myself giving n nt felt any TAKING.. realising my own wkness after u tell me everything from bernard mouth to bee then 2 me... i didnt even dare 2 say wat's frenship.. haha? 5yrs of frenship... im juz a lousy fren.. a burden in frenship.... its correct tat my fren shld betray me... i dun blame... im juz gonna b the perfect fren... if im such a lousy fren... y regain it? now im a better fren. or mayb less worst than the past.. but... ever since then.... i fear frenship... fear frens of being betrayed,hide n bluff again... the worst... i FEAR the feelings of LOSING frenship... when the other fren felt NTH... its the worst part 2 go thru when u have always put frenship first... haiz... i wished 2 use the new me 2 lead life... as the past 1 has died.. i do wish 2 regain tis frenship.. but its nt 4 me 2 decide... its 4 her 2 think carefully b4 acting harsh... im oso struggling 2 help myself out... b4 i step into others life in frenship.. but... shld i? will i regain when i m exhausted coping wif life? putting trust once again into some1 who wun bother or care the slightest bout frenship bcuz its nt in her first as love,family,wealth n studies n herself comes b4 it? argh... sry... juz wat am i thinking n writing? oh god dammit... i've pissed myself off... sry 4 pissing urs...

- LifeGoesOn~